can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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