He is such a slut. More and more my type.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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