i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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