You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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