i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize