Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
