That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
