i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
