So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we're so committed to being not committed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
