She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
