I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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