dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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