If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
