she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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