this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
