I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
