I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
