My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
