One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ugly people sure do ruin things
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
