There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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