but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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