so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
