just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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