There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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