my phone needs a breathalizer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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