Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
