all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize