He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's always time for handjobs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
