the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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