Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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