ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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