So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize