So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
