Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How external is "for external use only"?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize