Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
