last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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