Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
