I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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