dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
