I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
