i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't turn off my feet"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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