Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
