the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
