i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
