Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
