you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
