I cannot find my penis.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
