i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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