I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
