the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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