Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
