end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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