I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
