So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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