P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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