did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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