I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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