OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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