I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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