got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
