I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
