i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
