Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
