I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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