Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
