'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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