If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
wow bdsm is so cute
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