Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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