We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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