it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
