Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
